Day 7 of "The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year!" — a shout-out to the brilliant folks in independent restaurants and bars, working their socks off during the busiest time of the year.
What You'll Learn
After reading this, you'll be able to:
- Use the six parts of Bridge Building (quick action, private chat, understanding, explaining, finding common ground, fixing the problem)
- Step in to stop arguments from bothering customers
- Use these skills to smooth things over with partners, family, at work, and with friends
The Blow-Up: 7:42 PM, Sunday
The wrong dish came out. Again.
Table 9 had asked for sea bass. This was lamb. For the second time.
Emma, who'd been on her feet since midday, just about lost it.
"What's going on back there? I sent this back once already. Table 9 has been waiting ages!"
Head chef Liam's voice shot back, "Maybe if you'd written the damn ticket right, we wouldn't have this problem. It says lamb, clear as day."
"I wrote bass! Look at my order pad!"
The kitchen went silent. The floor staff nearby froze. A table near the door definitely heard the shouting.
Things were about to get messy.
The Hero: The Bridge Builder
In every restaurant, there's this invisible line running through the pass. On one side: the kitchen's a madhouse – heat, timing pressures, and the chef's pride on the line. On the other: the floor staff are playing diplomats, doing the emotional work, and making sure the customers are happy.
Both sides actually want the same thing: happy customers.
But when the pressure's on, they forget they're on the same side.
That's where the Bridge Builder comes in. They're the ones who remember.
The Save
At 7:43 PM, Sasha – one of the assistant managers who'd been checking on tables – just appeared at the pass.
No shouting. No drama. Just there.
"Emma, come with me a sec. Liam, can you get that bass cooking? I'll explain to table 9."
Before either could argue, she was already moving.
Three chats happened in the next four minutes:
Minute 1-2 (With Emma): "I know you're knackered. And I know you wrote the right order. But the kitchen's a mess too – they've had three no-shows this week. Let's sort table 9 out first, then work out what went wrong, yeah?"
Minute 2-3 (With Liam): "I know you're under the pump. And yeah, the tickets have been a joke tonight. But Emma's been on since lunch and she's flagging. Let's nail this bass and I'll handle table 9. After service, maybe we look at fixing the ticket system?"
Minute 3-4 (With table 9): "So sorry about the wait for the sea bass. We had a mix-up in the kitchen – totally our fault. It's being cooked fresh right now. Can I get you a glass of wine while you wait? On the house, of course."
Table 9 just nodded, a bit surprised by the attention.
By 7:50 PM, the sea bass was served. Emma quietly thanked Liam as she picked it up. Liam just gave a small nod back.
Crisis averted.
The Secret Sauce
What Sasha did wasn't magic. It was a skill.
Quick Thinking: She jumped in straight away. When arguments drag on, they spread to other staff and even reach the customers.
Time Out: She pulled Emma aside first, so they wouldn't have an audience. If you're arguing in public, everyone gets defensive.
No Blaming: She understood Emma's frustration without blaming Liam. And she understood Liam's pressure without blaming Emma.
Fix It First: The customer's dinner was the priority. Working out who messed up could wait until later.
Remember the Goal: Emma and Liam both wanted happy customers. That's what they had in common, even when they were annoyed.
From the Restaurant to Real Life
Being a Bridge Builder is a seriously useful skill.
In relationships: Two people, both tired, both feeling ignored, snapping at each other about chores or money. The Bridge Builder finds what they both want (to be happy together) and explains what each person is feeling.
In families: Christmas arguments between relatives who've been fighting for years. The Bridge Builder doesn't take sides – they remember the love that's still there.
At work: Departments blaming each other (sales vs. marketing, developers vs. designers). The Bridge Builder sees that everyone wants the company to do well, and helps them understand each other's problems.
With friends: Two mates who've fallen out, both waiting for the other to say sorry. The Bridge Builder helps them both back down without losing face.
How to Build Bridges
1. Jump In: Don't wait. Little arguments turn into big ones if you leave them.
2. Get Private: Move the argument away from everyone else. Public arguments get heated.
3. Show You Get It: Let everyone know you understand why they're annoyed before you try to fix anything.
4. Explain it Simply: Say what each person is complaining about in a way the other person can understand. "Emma wrote bass" becomes "the ticket system is rubbish." "Liam sent lamb" becomes "the kitchen is crazy busy."
5. Find Common Ground: What do they both actually want? It's usually the same thing.
6. Do Something: Offer a real solution. Not just "let's talk later" but "let's fix the ticket system" or "let's have a quick chat after service."
The Science Bit
Research on workplace arguments shows that most of the time, the argument isn't about what it looks like.
The wrong dish wasn't really about the dish. It was about being exhausted, stressed, and feeling like you're not getting any help.
Good mediators look past the obvious problem to see what people really need. Emma needed to feel heard. Liam needed to feel respected. The dish was just the last straw.
In hospitality, you learn this quickly because something sets people off every night. Every shift is practice in seeing what's really going on.
Making Bridge Builders on Your Team
The Peacemaker Role
Pick someone on every shift to be the Bridge Builder. It doesn't have to be the boss – just someone who's good at spotting tension.
Their job: keep an eye out for arguments and step in before they get out of hand.
The Post-Shift Chat
After a tough shift, make time for a quick, honest chat:
"What was annoying tonight? What did we learn? How can we stop it happening again?"
This makes arguments normal – something to deal with, not something to be ashamed of.
The "Translation" Game
Train your team to rephrase complaints:
- Instead of "The kitchen messed up again" → "We need to talk about how we're communicating"
- Instead of "The floor is being difficult" → "The floor staff are under pressure, how can we help?"
The words you use change how you see things. Bridge Builders talk about what they share, not what divides them.
The Fix
At 10:30 PM, service finished. The kitchen was clean. The floor team was getting ready for the next day.
Sasha got Emma and Liam in the back office for five minutes.
"Right, what happened tonight then?"
Emma: "The ticket printer's been dodgy all week. Sometimes the orders are hard to read."
Liam: "I should have double-checked. I was rushing."
Sasha: "So, dodgy printer, and we're all tired. No one's fault. Can we get the printer fixed tomorrow, and can we agree that if we're not sure about a ticket, we just ask?"
They both nodded.
Emma: "Sorry for snapping."
Liam: "Yeah, me too. Long week."
They went home. Tomorrow, the printer would (hopefully) be fixed. Next week, there would be new dramas to deal with.
But tonight, everyone was friends again.
What to Do Next
This Week
Play the "Translation" Game: Instead of saying "The kitchen messed up again," try "We need to talk about how we're communicating." Instead of saying "The floor is being difficult," try "The floor staff are under pressure, how can we help?" The words you use change how you see things.This Month
Pick a Peacemaker for every shift. Not necessarily the boss – just someone who's good at spotting tension. Their job: keep an eye out for arguments and step in before they get out of hand.Keep Doing It
Have a Post-Shift Chat after a tough shift: "What was annoying tonight? What did we learn? How can we stop it happening again?" This makes arguments normal – something to deal with, not something to be ashamed of.Think About This
Before you move on, ask yourself:
- Your Experience: Think about an argument you saw or were part of recently. What was the argument about on the surface, and what was really going on? Did anyone deal with the real issues?
- Your Life: Where in your life – with your partner, family, at work, with friends – is there a divide that needs a bridge? What would "translation" look like in that situation?
- Your Plan: What's one specific argument you could help sort out this week using these ideas? When will you step in?
Tomorrow in "The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year!": Time Architect — when a supplier lets you down 48 hours before New Year's Eve.
About this series: The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year! is a celebration of the skills that make the people in independent restaurants and bars so amazing, and the life skills they learn along the way. From December 22nd to December 31st, we're looking at one key skill each day.
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