Day 6 of "The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year!" – a toast to the amazing people working in independent restaurants and bars during their busiest time of year.
What You'll Learn
By the end of this, you'll:
- Get your head around what Emotional Armour is (separation of self, delayed processing, professional persona, contextual awareness, team support)
- Know how to respond to online criticism without losing your cool
- Be able to use these skills in all sorts of stressful situations – even family WhatsApp groups!
The Flashpoint: 8:17 PM, Saturday
The buzz started at 8:17 PM.
Sam, clearing plates at table 3, glanced at their phone. Facebook. Someone had shared a post about The Olive Tree.
8:19 PM: Another buzz. And another. In the kitchen, a chef’s phone lit up like a Christmas tree.
8:22 PM: Half the team had seen it.
A one-star review. Posted just twelve minutes earlier. Already shared nearly 50 times on the local Facebook group. The comments section? A warzone – some defending the restaurant, others gleefully piling on.
The review was savage:
"Waited nearly an hour for starters that were stone cold. Server couldn’t have cared less. No management in sight. This place has gone downhill. Avoid at Christmas – they clearly can't cope."
Then someone made a horrifying realisation.
Table 7. The couple who'd complained about the wait. Who'd been giving off bad vibes all evening. Who were, at that very moment, waiting for their desserts.
The reviewer was still in the building. Nightmare.
The Talent: Emotional Armour
Emotional Armour isn't about becoming a robot.
It's about having a buffer, something that lets you keep going when things get tough, and deal with the fallout later. It's the ability to take a punch without collapsing on the spot.
Think of it as different from emotional numbness. Numbness is a brick wall. Armour is more like a chainmail – it protects you when you need it, but you can still take it off.
The 40-Minute Truth
What the review conveniently forgot to mention:
The kitchen was short-staffed because a chef had a family emergency at 6 PM. The "40-minute wait" was actually 27 minutes – not ideal, but hardly a disaster on a busy Saturday. And the starters weren’t cold. They’d been sitting at the pass for three minutes because Mr. Reviewer was glued to his phone.
But none of that matters right now.
What matters is: table 7 is waiting for dessert. And the person who wrote that review is about to be served by someone who’s just read it. Talk about awkward.
The Response
At 8:25 PM, Priya, the restaurant manager, made a call.
She gathered the team for a quick pep talk – 90 seconds, tops.
"Right, everyone’s seen the review. We’ll deal with it later. Right now, we’ve got nearly 50 guests who are having a good time and deserve the service they expect. That includes table 7."
Then she went to the pass, plated the desserts for table 7, and served them herself.
"Warm chocolate fondant for you, and the panna cotta. Enjoy – our pastry chef makes them fresh every day."
Smile. Warmth. No hint of the online drama.
The couple at table 7 looked a bit surprised by the extra attention. They ate their desserts. They paid the bill. They even left a 15% tip.
The review stayed online. The shares kept going up. The comments kept flooding in.
And the team kept working. Table 8. Table 12. Table 4’s birthday bash. Every guest got the same service they would have received if the review hadn’t happened.
From Restaurant Floor to Real Life
Emotional Armour is an essential skill for surviving in the modern world.
Workplace politics: Someone slams you in a meeting. You could bite back, defend yourself, start a war. Or you could acknowledge the comment, stay calm, and deal with it properly later. Armour gives you breathing room.
Relationships: Your partner says something hurtful during an argument. Armour means you can pause before things get ugly. Feel the sting. Don’t lash out. Make space for a proper conversation later.
Parenting: Your teenager screams "I hate you!" and storms off. Without armour, that feels like a knife to the heart. With armour, you realise it’s about their frustration, not your worth as a human. You'll talk when they've calmed down.
Social media: Someone attacks your work, your opinions, your face. The urge to retaliate is strong. Armour gives you a moment to think. To decide if it's even worth engaging.
What Makes Up Emotional Armour?
It's not just personality – it's something you build.
1. Separation of Self: The criticism is about a specific experience, not your entire existence. "Cold starters" doesn’t mean "you're a terrible person."
2. Delayed Processing: Feel the emotions, but deal with them later. Your body wants to react now. Armour buys you time.
3. Professional Persona: A role you step into that shields your true self. "Server Sam" can handle the review. Sam the person can freak out after closing time.
4. Contextual Awareness: The reviewer at table 7 has no idea you've seen their post. Acting like you haven't isn't being fake – it's being professional.
5. Team Support: Armour works better when you've got backup. Priya’s quick talk helped everyone put their armour on.
The Science of Staying Calm
Criticism triggers the same stress response as actual danger. Your amygdala goes wild. Cortisol floods your system. You’re ready to fight, run, or freeze.
Emotional Armour is the ability to override that initial reaction.
With practice, you can create a tiny gap between what happens and how you respond. That gap – even a few seconds – is enough to choose your actions instead of just reacting.
Hospitality is perfect training. Every difficult customer, every unfair complaint, every moment of being taken for granted is practice. Your brain learns to pause.
Building Your Team's Armour
The Pre-Shift Heads-Up
Before things get crazy, acknowledge the possibility:
"Tonight’s going to be busy. People are stressed. If something goes wrong, we’ll handle it together. No one has to take the heat alone."
This doesn’t create panic. It creates preparedness.
The Debrief Download
After tough shifts, make time to unpack:
"What was the worst thing that happened tonight? What are you still thinking about?"
Armour protects you in the moment. But it needs to come off somewhere safe. Bottling everything up is a recipe for disaster.
The Review Response Game Plan
Have a clear process for dealing with online reviews:
- See it. Take a breath. Don’t respond right away.
- Keep working as usual.
- Talk about it as a team after closing.
- Respond publicly with a calm, professional message 24 hours later.
- Learn what you can. Forget the rest.
The worst review responses are written when you're angry. Space gives you perspective.
The Payoff
The Olive Tree responded to the review the next day. Priya wrote it herself.
"Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We’re really sorry you didn’t have a great experience. Our records show a 27-minute wait between courses – longer than usual, because we were dealing with a staffing issue. We’d love to have you back and show you what we can do on a normal night. Please get in touch if you’d be willing to give us another try."
No defensiveness. No blaming. Just class.
The post didn't get as many shares as the original complaint. But the regulars noticed. Several commented on how well it was handled.
Within a week, the bad review was buried under a pile of new five-star reviews. Not because the team begged for them – but because great service, delivered consistently, speaks louder than one bad night.
Table 7 never came back. And you know what? That's okay.
Emotional Armour isn't about winning over every critic.
It's about not letting the critics ruin your day.
Time to Act
This Week
Try the Pre-Shift Heads-Up: Before things get crazy, acknowledge the possibility. "Tonight’s going to be busy. If something goes wrong, we’ll handle it as a team."
This Month
Start a Debrief Download after tough shifts: "What was the worst thing that happened tonight? What are you still thinking about?"
Always
Use the Review Response Game Plan: See it. Breathe. Wait. Talk it over. Respond calmly.
Think About It
Before you move on, ask yourself:
- Honestly: Think about a time someone criticised you recently. What was your first reaction? Did you respond immediately, or did you take a moment? What would you do differently now?
- Where do you need this most? Work? Home? Twitter? What kind of criticism gets under your skin the most?
- What's one small change you can make? Will you try to delay your reactions? Will you try to separate the criticism from your sense of self? Will you lean on your team for support?
Tomorrow in "The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year!": The Bridge Builder – how to handle clashes between the kitchen and front-of-house during a busy service.
About this series: "The 10 Days and Nights Until New Year!" is all about celebrating the people who make independent restaurants and bars so special, and the skills they develop along the way. From December 22nd to December 31st, we're looking at one essential hospitality talent each day.
Powered by booteek.ai – the AI partner for independent restaurants AND bars.